It is possible to feel like you are a married single mom if you have to deal with the burden of parenting alone and managing the household chores single-handedly. A lot of women in the United States are married single moms for various reasons. For instance, some single moms need to parent alone as their husbands have to work away from them for a prolonged time. Similarly, some women raise children single-handedly by choice even though the fathers of their kids are present at home but are not reliable for varied reasons. No matter which category you belong to there are many steps that you can take to ease your difficult journey of single motherhood.
Signs You Are A Married Single Mom
If you’re not sure whether you should consider yourself as a single married mother or not then take a look at the following signs. If you’re experiencing any one or a combination of the below-mentioned signs then you are certainly a single married mother.
1. The Duty Of Running The House Falls To You
If the majority or most of the household chores fall on your shoulders you are certainly a married single mom. Whether it is an unspoken routine or allocated household chores you’re doing the most of it without the support of your husband.
2. You Barely See Him
You are a single married mom if your partner is never around or if you barely see him. Even when he is at home he is not present in the same room as you or hesitates to spend quality time with you and your kids. Mothers who do not get breaks and have to fulfill the majority of housework and childcare feel overburdened. When you do not get support from your husband in your day-to-day work this may lead to resentment.
3. You No Longer Get Help From Your Partner
You no longer get emotional or mental support from your husband nor do you think of your partner when you need help in your rough time. You no longer seek his help and even in circumstances when he can help, you remind yourself that he is unwilling or unreliable. You’re also not comfortable leaving your kids with him.
4. You Are The Breadwinner Of The Family
You are not a married single mom if you have to be in charge of performing all the housework as well as taking the responsibility of providing for your family. Single married mothers are the breadwinner of the family and no longer depend on their husband’s income. Being a married single mom you have to take the responsibility of managing things inside as well as outside the household. Single-married mothers are in charge of housework, childcare, and household income. This is the point where many women feel that their partner is dead within the marriage or relationship.
5. You Have Stopped Keeping Expectations From Your Marriage Or Relationship
If you have stopped expecting your husband to take you on dinner or a date night then you are a single married mother. At this stage, you have just given up hope on your husband to be there for you and take care of your needs. You feel lonely in the marriage or relationship and there is hardly any personal time between you two.
6. You Feel Lonely In Your Relationship
If you are married but feel lonely in a relationship and think that everything is one-sided then you are leading the lifestyle of a single married woman. In this type of situation, your pleas for affection, love, attention, and help fall on deaf ears. He is also away from you for the majority of the week. There is a certain point where relationships suffer due to prolonged physical absence. It is a good time and opportunity for you to ask yourself whether things are working out for you.
Is It Possible For Women To Be A Successful Married Single Moms?
Being a married single mom by no means is an easy feat. Many women plan to abandon their relationship or marriage altogether while some have to seek counseling to make things work. No matter how difficult a situation you are in, it is possible to be a successful married single mom if you can implement the following points in your life.
1. Never Compare Yourself With Other Mothers
Comparing yourself with married mothers will depress you and take a toll on your mental health. The situation of a married single mom is different from that of two-parent households where the considerate and loving husband is present to help his partner. However, you do not know what others are struggling with therefore refrain from comparing your situation with others.
2. Do Not Compare Your Kids With Other Children
There will always be a household with kids who seem to be better at everything however it is important to keep in mind that appearance can sometimes be deceiving. No two kids are the same therefore do not compare your children with others and put unnecessary pressure on them. Being a single married mom you are doing your best and so are your kids.
3. Spend Quality Time With Your Kids
Being a married single mom you can take an opportunity to prioritize your kids. Put quality time to enjoy with them in different activities. You are the sole caretaker of your kids and this will allow you to make some everlasting memories with them.
Challenges And Solution Of Being A Single Married Mom
Being a single married mom is not always by choice but sometimes by fate or circumstances. Embracing single motherhood while being married comes with its share of challenges and fun. Problems of single married moms include adopting a compromised life, change in neighborhood or house, financial challenges, mental health problems, and many more. It requires a single mom to perform the role of two people to run the house and raise kids. Following are some issues that single married moms experience in their motherhood journey and how they can manage them efficiently.
Single married moms lead an isolated and lonely life even after being married either because their husband is away from work or because of some other personal reasons. They do not get a shoulder to lean on. Having a partner can lead to emotional fulfillment but this is not the case with single moms. Single married moms can overcome loneliness and isolation by replacing their negative thoughts with positive attitudes. Try to redirect your thoughts and energy to productive activities. Prioritize your professional and career goals and spend quality time with your children. Do not forget that your kids look up to you for all their needs. Single moms without a partner should go the extra mile for their children and try to engage in community activities and expand their social circle.
2. Financial Burden
In a two-parent household, each partner meets the monetary obligation of the family. but single-married moms have to fulfill the overbearing financial obligation alone. They have to take jobs to provide for their family and raise their kids while taking care of their children and managing household tasks simultaneously. The financial burden is an uphill task that increases the stress of single moms. Single-married moms can reduce their financial burden by making a budget, cutting unnecessary expenses, and spending more hours at work to meet the financial needs of the family.
It is no secret that single married moms go through a sense of self-doubt and self-guilty after navigating a better relationship with their husbands. Parenting alone while being married poses several challenges for mothers. They have to make parenting decisions on their own and blame themselves when something goes wrong. The unanswered questions and doubts about single parenting will add more complexities to your single motherhood therefore stop self-blaming. Accept the fact that there isn’t anything called a perfect mother and perfect children. It is normal to make mistakes. As long as you are raising happy and healthy children you need not put much strain on yourself.
4. Low Self Esteem
Another critical problem faced by married single moms in society is the harsh societal judgment. This society tends to judge and criticize single moms who separate themselves from their husbands instead of giving support to them. Negative friends and family members make it difficult for single moms to cope with the situation and this in turn leads to low confidence and self-doubt. Single moms need to surround themselves with people who can support them and understand their situation instead of passing judgment. Single parenting while being married can be daunting therefore engaging in activities that will help you to overcome self-doubt and will boost your confidence.
Tips To Overcome Married Single Mom Syndrome
If you do not want to be an overwhelmed and depressed married single mom then knowing how to seek happiness in life is essential. Following are some helpful tips that you can take to figure out how to be a successful married single mom.
1. Set Your Priorities
An important tip to be a successful married single mom is to prioritize your goals. Listing your goals and priorities in descending order will lead to your journey of becoming a happy single mom and will enable you to make all life decisions on your own. You can set smart personal goals for yourself to keep yourself motivated in life. Focus on raising happy and healthy kids and fulfill the ambitions of your life.
2. Spend Time Out Of The House
It is difficult for married single moms or those working from home and raising kids alone to find free time to enjoy and go out. Feeling cooped up inside the house can increase your mental health problems. Get out of your home often for walks, hikes, get fresh air, or grocery runs.
3. Practice Self-Care
Finding happiness as a solo mom is possible when you learn to cultivate gratitude in your day-to-day life. Prioritize your mental health, visit a licensed therapist if you’re unable to cope with your problems alone, and appreciate all the small or big things in life. Do not blindly follow anyone’s advice or suggestions on how to parent alone instead go by your maternal instinct and stay true to yourself.
4. Seek Help
Married single moms who are unable to deal with their life challenges alone should not hesitate to seek out help. Find time out of your schedule to connect with your friends, family members, and relatives if you want to be a happy single mother. Creating a strong support system in the form of friends, family members or other adults from support groups will help you to embrace single motherhood and reduce feelings of depression and isolation. Single married mothers should remember to follow the tips mentioned above if they’re struggling to find joy and happiness in life. They can also visit a licensed mental health professional if single parenthood is taking a toll on them.
There are a lot of struggles that married single moms have to deal with which is different from other parenthood journeys. Feeling burned out and isolated are common struggles that married single moms have to face. Struggling with physical and mental health problems is a part of the married single-parenthood journey. They have to deal with an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and isolation which results in depression. When you address your mental health problem you learn how to be a happy single married mom and embrace parenthood alone. Although being a single married mom you have learned to do everything alone you should not feel afraid to seek help from others. You can seek help with childcare or household work from your close ones.